Development sucks. How to avoid this depression?

In the extremely unlikely scenario that it doesn't all work out for you these might help
Try These

 

I started a fresh, more professional looking game dev blog over at TIG forums, but that did nothing for me. All the potential fans ("That looks awesome!") did nothing for me. I've tried exercising more often, but that does nothing. I tried a gaming marathon. Nothing. All of the above *almost* gave something. I could feel it rise, then it would just dissolve.

I sat down last night to game design on a fresh notepad, and I have to say- it almost cured the depression entirely. For that moment, it certainly did (I wanted to work on the game right afterwards) but unfortunately I fell asleep afterwards, being a human and all needing that stupid sleep stuff >_<

Most of it dissolved the next day, but just game designing on that notepad really inspires me, filled me with enthusiasm, and helped a lot. Whether it was designing a new system or just rethinking about an old one, it all helped. Even writing down what I need to do, step by step OR an overall plan - it also helped.

Right now, I am actually struggling because the project I was working on before my current one (which I paused, since the scope was so large) is calling me. I really really want to get back to working on that larger scope project- not for any particular reason, but just because I feel enough enthusiasm (non-depression) about it that I think I could actually get some work done on it (work that wouldn't be wasted, since it is a legit project I have had). Unfortunately, I am resisting even opening up the old GDD or loading up the different art programs I used. I am concerned that if I were to start back on that project, I'd lose ALL motivation for my current one- and that would be horrible. I'd do it if I knew I would (soon enough) return to my current project. I just don't want to be zapped up into a fantasy world when my sci-fi world is not finished, because I don't like the idea of bouncing back and forth between two games, eventually releasing both around the same time.

So I am going to resist any of the oh-so-tempting work for my paused game, and instead try again to open up that notepad, game design, and hope that will inspire me enough to work on my current project.

The way I look at it, the moment I am done with my current project, is the moment I get to start on my paused one. I love both quite a lot, but am fighting the depression that comes with my current project. It's been far too long Then again, I miss my paused project quite a lot, and this current one (Thanks to the depression) is taking a lot longer than I wanted.

All of this being my hobby doesn't help either. Although I don't know how bad it is (whether or not needing an income to survive would kick me in the butt enough to motivate me, or if I'd just become homeless because of apathy, lol). It kindof sucks, because honestly with the instability of my current career, I really need to work on getting my game dev career started (release games, make money to make more games).

I usually don't care what people think of me, and just do whatever I want. Since this is all a fun hobby for me (or a second job) and not my primary career, I'd imagine that I'd just do whatever is fun for me- even if that means bouncing around games (the idea of not finishing a project or starting a third one is impossible for me. I take this pretty seriously). However, since I've released a dev blog with people who want the game to be released sooner than later, and since I'd really like to get experience releasing a title so I can help others more on forums like this, I sort of DO care that I not appear like someone who doesn't take his projects seriously. I only paused my former project after a lot of serious thought and internal dialogue. To pause this current one just seems irrational.

 

Do you have any experience with these?

I know it helps a lot of people (duh, I better know that seeing as how psychology is my professional field of study lol), but I'd be interested if it helped any game dev. (Whether or not their depression is normal for game dev, or if it's actually clinical depression and they just happen to be game devs by coincidence). I know about clinical depression and all of that, but I do not know so much about game development / software engineers and what is typical for them (even healthy ones). I know that programming is extremely difficult for most people (and easy for a few) but the reasoning behind why is a bit of an unknown (even for those who study why so many people have trouble with competency as programmers, very few have even hypothesis).

 

Nah, I stick to a measured amount of ethanol on off days. I do remember however solving a few of my most challenging dev issues late at night while sipping on one too many Harvey's

 

Open to suggestions? Einstein said, "Insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results." You might try giving yourself exactly 4 Weeks. Design a TRIVIALLY simple concept, and then build it. Success in 4 weeks could mean finishing core gameplay in 10 days, polishing for 2 weeks, and 4 days to prepare for submission. With a narrow enough scope, you can shrink this further - Christmas Crush took just 2 weeks, from concept to publication.

Between projects, I take LONG breaks to research, port to new platforms, learn, improve my skills, play games, be with my family, and generally revert to human form. In the 3.5 years since founding Gigi Games, I've released 8 products on various platforms, accrued 200,000 users, and obtained a steady ~$18/day. And I'm still going.

As I've got a primary day job, a wife of 23 years, 2 dogs, and 2 kids, one of whom is a Make-A-Wish child, I'd wager you could achieve similar results with smaller projects that you were able to FINISH!

Gigi

 

The trick is (at least for me) to actually FORCE (yes, force) yourself to work, preferably at regular hours. After few weeks of forcing yourself to start, it'll become a habit and you'll feel bad if you actually won't start working.

Think of it like starting older car by pushing it, where car is gamedev and pushing is opening Unity or whatever you're using and start doing things.

It works for me, may not work for you but it's worth a try.

 

I think your advice has finally penetrated my kevlar laminated titanium skull... a little. I'm going to shoot for easier to finish game designs, including simplifying my current one. I don't think I can bang them out that fast, yet. Whatever I do after this will be much smaller. No matter my determination level, staring at inches of progress per day has a detrimental psychological effect. After I prove I can complete this big of a game, I'll try this small thing.

 

Force yourself to create art... and the art will seem "forced".

 

Listen to Skavens music.

Bejeweled 2!
It works like a charm!

 

If development is making you depressed, maybe you'd be happier doing something else?

 

This advice would lead to absolutely no video games ever released.

Loss of motivation or 'depression' is so common, we have tons of articles and lectures about it.

 

Maybe for a little while. In the long run, though, I'll be happier following my dream. Always got to think 5-10 years from now, how will future me feel about my choices?

 

Plus, there's a difference between "not motivated to do this thing at the moment" and "depression".

 

That's what I think, but the difference is I think if I'm still making games 10 years from now then I've done something wrong. I've been doing it for so long I just want to get off the train now and do something else. It's been my career for just about 20 years now and once something gets that entrenched it's hard to just up and leave it.

Every time I get through the tremendously difficult ordeal of finishing a game and releasing it, then supporting it, I say "I'm never doing that again." Then a year later I start in on the next one. It's hard to break out of the cycle when it pays all the bills and it's something I do enjoy, much more than a lot of other jobs. I don't hate this. I just want to do something different.

And with that said, here I am again, close to releasing my next game. I've got a ton of pre-order customers waiting (im)patiently, and my stress level is approaching the sun. What the hell was I thinking? How do I get a job where all I have to do is sit on a blanket on a beach in Tahiti drinking Mai-Tais?

 

Where would you plug in your laptop on the beach?

 

Exactly.

 

You could do both, you know. Work on removing the stress factors from this pursuit (ie: sounds like a great idea to not do pre-orders next time, if that's a primary stress factor) and also spend less time on it so you've got that time extra to also do different stuff.

Also, the way mobile CPUs are going you won't have to worry about plugging in at the beach.

 

Yep I've been working on the balance thing for about a year now but since I'm in crunch mode at the moment balance goes out the window, haha.

 

I think my time limit is about 2 or 3 months. I'm not positive. If it takes any longer, it probably won't be finished. Also, some projects are really born to die. I didn't know enough of what I was doing when I took it on and it was too unorganized. The very best thing I could have done was give up on it. Later I will probably start a similar project and it will get finished because I learned from that unfinished one.

 

Heck, I feel ya!

 

I think the root of my problem regarding depression and development is actually fear of finishing the product. After a relatively successful first few years doing this for a living, I've had a string of complete failures. I just can't seem to create anything that anyone is interested in. So now that I'm nearing completion of a game, I shut down. It's like when you meet that really pretty girl that's way out of your league and fantasize about having the white picket fence and 2.5 children together. You don't dare ask her out because you'll know she'll say no and then you don't even have the fantasy anymore. I need my fantasy of becoming super rich and living the life of an eccentric millionaire. Haha. Of course, I'm in serious danger of being unable to keep a roof over my head, so I really need to get this game finished and hope for the best even more than I need a silly fantasy.

 

Awesome!

/bow

 

@HemiMG, By freeing yourself of that fantasy you allow yourself to move onto the next thing, though. Worst case scenario either way is moving on, which you'll never do if you dwell on something you're not going to do.

Also, by not making the move you're personally ensuring that you can't possibly ever win it. Better a chance of success than a guarantee of failure, right?

 

@angrypenguin Oh, no doubt. I fully understand the logic of moving forward and I am slowly but surely working on the game. I hope to have something in the WIP forums sometime in the coming days. Clinical depression doesn't always lend itself to doing the logical thing though. In fact, it often shuts you down to the point that you do the exact opposite, so it's still a struggle to keep at it.

 

You're depressed because if Unity really worked as advertised you'd have a nice game by now but you are wondering why those colliders and triggers and camera clips don't quite work well enough to be acceptable and ruin, while it might not be an inspired original masterpiece of a game, a simple, nice looking game.

Oh, and if you make a habit of reading or watching news and catty comments sites; well that could have a big effect on your mood. The behavior that makes the new for the most part is so unnecessary and so evil. Best avoid that if you can't change the outcome ain't it?

Better an evil thought that never occurred in your mind than an evil thought you must consciously have to reject after it's presentation to you.

 

Well if you've ever seen the old pharmacy 'Depression Hurts' commercials they use to have on satellite TV in the US of a clinically depressed woman that was camouflaged like the bus seat she was sitting in those graphics were rad.

I don't know if that commercial is still shown though because I found, most of cable television is too depressing. Pay them that kind of money to broadcast that to us? Uh, no. I do like HGTV and a few other, modest shows.

 

That's what it feels like sometimes. But neither of the two pills my doctor tried me on back in the day did anything. Sometimes I think life just has to get better and pharmaceuticals don't have the answer. It's all good though, as long as I keep plugging away I can't help but eventually hit on something that people want again. You just have to try to stay positive and remember all the times life has tried and failed to keep you down.

 

HemiMG: What actually happened was the market got flooded and now you have to create something very original or catchy to get any money.

 

Yeah, the market has changed no doubt. What's worse is you pretty much have to give things away for free and hope to get enough ad revenue or IAP to support yourself, otherwise people call you greedy for daring to ask the price of a candy bar in exchange for your software. I found my latest game is much more fun in the Unity editor than it is on mobile devices, so I'm ripping all the IAP and ads and crap out of it and making it a desktop game. It's simple, so I probably won't be able to get much more than $5 for it. But $5 is a lot more than $0. And it'll get my foot into the door of a market where people are willing to spend a little more on a game. At least until the floodgates open on the desktop channels as well.

 

The thing I have that's called "Unity" must be different to the thing everyone else has that's called "Unity"...

 

How about using negative expression/emotions to motivate one to get up and make progress? Could be anything: Anger, Jealously, Depression, Sadness, etc... Leave a note in front you when you get back to your project that says "Why are you doing this? (Outline your reasons here)" . Now there's a reminder to slap you when you're being unproductive. People tend to work better with a motive.

In any work force, looking after one's psyche is important so that you don't break down during daily routines. Find and work out a balanced lifestyle and routines so you don't go insane for a couple of days.

 

Does it matter? The people calling you greedy are telling other people about your game. The fact that they're bothering to tell people that your game sucks because it costs money immediately tells everyone (though most won't admit it) that your game is good enough to bother talking about. As in, there are plenty of games out there that also cost money, and yours is the one that's got their attention at the moment.

Thats... pretty good, right?

 

"HemiMG said: ↑
...people call you greedy for daring to ask the price of a candy bar in exchange for your software."

Those same people will spend $4 on a caffeinated beverage made by an alt-girl in a green smock and >$100/mo. on a phone bill. People piss away money a few dollars at a time. They are saying "you're greedy" but what my ears are hearing is "I'm not convinced your product is worth this price, but you have my interest." It's a sale waiting to happen, if you could convince 1/10 of those people that your game is, in fact, worth more than a cup of freaking coffee...

Don't worry if they see right through your blatant sales pitch, either. It still works.

 

Another cause of depression is not being true to yourself, trying to people-please an audience, being too attached to the opinions of others either good or bad, not letting yourself be exposed/visible and acceptable as you are, and being out of touch with a genuine heartfelt sense of purpose.

 

That qualifier is the real issue. Simple solution is do this because you enjoy it. Do it because you want to not because you need to [make money]. Way too many people I think are flooding into game development looking at it like playing the lottery. Truly a large number of people seem to think they can make a single mobile game and suddenly retire. Unreasonable expectations like that cause a lot of disappointment and stress. I do this because I enjoy it. I made my Christmas game because it is how I wish games were. Maybe 1 in 500 (or heck even 1 in 5,000) gamers would agree and prefer my game over the standard web and mobile games being released.

I do it because at least this way I can have games I enjoy playing if nothing else. And the tiny % of other people who get what I am going after will enjoy them. One day I may make money from it. In the meantime I am enjoying just being different.

 

GarBenjamin: I agree. I do it because I need my mind to chew on something. I like old adventure games from the past, and I enjoy modeling, programming, art, and writing. If someone plays a game I write, it's just icing on the cake.

 

To clarify, I wasn't talking about any specific game (mine or otherwise) when I said users call you greedy. I was talking about the mobile market in general. It's not really their fault, I'm not blaming users. It's just that most mobile users aren't really looking for games so much as they are looking for distractions. Something to do on the toilet when there's no magazine handy, or at the dinner table when Uncle Bob is droning on about his trip to Cambodia. With thousands upon thousands of free or $0.99 games, they become mostly throwaway experiences. That's why freemium rose to the top of the charts as monetization model. It allows developers to get an average revenue per paying player closer to what they would had they released it on a market more open to paying for games. But this means that a small few are subsidizing the playing experiences of a great many. Those few end up paying way more than they would otherwise have to. Trying to build a game around that model isn't enjoyable at all. You become a salesman instead of a game developer. You end up preying on the people you should be catering to.

I don't know whether the switch to desktop will alleviate my financial concerns, but I know for certain it will alleviate my attitude towards the design process and my perceived relationship with would be players. Which, in the end, is much better for the game and much better for my mental well being.

 

That is very true. The market is definitely flooded. I have heard people many times say they see no sense in buying games when you can find them for free online and on the mobile app stores.

And devs also need to consider most of those game players are kids anyway who could not buy the game even if they want to. At least of the people I know the ones who seem to continually be playing games especially online and mobile games are all teenagers.

 

Where are you going to sell your desktop games? Do you think you'll have any chance of even being noticed or compete wherever you are going to sell them?

 

If I had a definitive answer to whether I will get noticed or not, then I would not have said the first part of the first sentence that you quoted. I think that by the time it is finished the game will have a decent chance of getting on the smaller stores such as Desura, Humble Store, IndieGameStand, maybe GOG. It's a card (or card-like) game, so I think the chances of it competing with FPS and other more popular genres on Greenlight well enough to get to the top is pretty slim. Of course there's also the Mac App Store, Windows Marketplace and Amazon as well as direct sales.

 

I wish you the best of luck & god bless & merry christmas. I hope it sells well so you can continue to do what you love (and eat \ pay rent and all that too, hehe)

 

They cant buy games but can, over time, ask again and again for game cards to spend on free games they love.

I bet this has a lot to do with kids spending on freemium games- they dont have to have the money immediately to play, but want to spend for more fun. The parents eventually must give in!

I may not have explained it well, but it makes sense to me.

 

I was rejected from GOG saying

Which I understand, it's pretty niche... but my sales so far for this game they "rejected" and it was released beginning of Nov and has 37,000 sales across all the stores already. So you must have to have a pretty nice game to be considered on GOG. I'm just putting it on Amazon for now (PC/Mac) I mean since I'm not sure where else to put the desktop version.

 

Thanks. After 5 years of being my own boss, working 9-5 is more scary than losing my home!

Yeah, the additional layer of quality control and standards are definitely scary as I move onto desktop. There's always Mac App Store, Amazon, and Microsoft, but I don't think those get nearly the traffic as the others and the App Store already seems to suffer from race to the bottom pricing and an influx of crap and freemium wares.

Have you tried any of the other stores I mentioned? There are a whole bunch of semi-popular stores out there that don't have the reach of GOG and Steam.

You can also do direct sales. My normal mapping software is on Amazon but hasn't sold a single copy there. I sell 2-3 copies a month from my website. Not the mother load I was hoping for, but it's doing way better there than on Amazon.

The great thing about desktop games is that you can release an alpha demo and get feedback to polish and improve the game before you even approach the stores. I reckon that'll be the track I take. The conversion from mobile to desktop was great, game design wise, but the UI has been a pain. I'd really like to improve that before asking anyone to sell it for me. I figure I'll polish it up from a free alpha demo and maybe pre-release fund it on the non-steam stores that allow for that if they'll have it so I can further refine it while still making a bit of money (hopefully). Then I'll try for the GOGs and the Steams. I fear being a relatively simple card game, it may suffer the same reaction as your game though.

 

My latest mobile game is being reviewed by Amazon right now to be sold as PC/Mac. I'd like to do direct sales on my site but I'm not sure how/what system to use for payment and delivery of the content etc...

 

What stops you from doing that on Mobile? I used to develop primarily iOS, and recently, I began developing for Android. The instant-deploy, frequent-release is sooooo refreshing! Now, I develop first for Android - get it out there and start getting feedback, as soon as possible, and then, weeks later, I'll port the final product to iOS ... If I feel like it .

Gigi

 

Direct sales is HARD - easier to use one of the dozen portals. Developing web portals is time consuming, I'd rather focus on building great games and monetizing them.

Gigi

 

Yeah, I'm starting to lean the same way for my hobby stuff, mostly because I'm doing that for fun and less deployment time/hassle means more time spent on my game.

 

I gotta come back in and say that I paused development of my current project, to start another project of a much smaller scope.

Rather than complex AI, the AI is extremely simple. Something that is far below what I'm capable of, so it's stuff that is easy to implement.

Rather than creating an entirely unique genre, it is heavily inspired by another game. A game I can look to anytime I need reference or assistance. It is there for me to figure out, mimic, or easily figure out how they did it. (It's easy to look at others' games and figure out how they did something. Not so easy to create something unique yourself you don't yet know how to do.)

Rather than innovation with the majority of the gameplay, I'm doing something which has been done before. This means that since they were able to complete the project- I will too. No feature is anything unique or new. Everything is within the scope of any indie developer. No supernatural talent required.

Rather than designing a game and then forcing it into Unity, this game is something "Unity likes". It uses Unity's features, as they are intended. Because of this, I do not have all these annoying bugs or frustration trying to force mismatched puzzle pieces together. Unity is much easier/better to work with, if you build the type of games Unity wants you to make.

I must say, it is very different. Very little frustration, very few problems. Any time I get stuck, it is only for about 10-30 minutes maximum (as opposed to 9+ hours). This is both due to my experience in Unity (which I got FROM working on my other bigger project) and the simplicity of the smaller game's systems.

It turns out that if you try to make a new game which is like a game that has already been released, it is very easy. This makes sense, because someone has already went through the process of cutting difficult features, implementing developer laziness (picking the easier path over the harder one) and sifting through all the chaff to produce everything they needed to "just finish a game".

My motivation doesn't suffer for it. I am almost completely sure that there were two reasons I lost motivation with the project in my signature.

1. Used Unity. When I worked on this game just using C++ and SFML, I had no problem with motivation. I'd gleefully pull 9-12 hour work sessions every day, all week, up until I went back to Unity. Perhaps what I was trying to do was make a game that Unity didn't like me to make. I was trying to force a way of doing things contrary to the way Unity wants you to do them. It is very important to pick the correct tools for the job. If that isn't correct, then perhaps it is because I just LOVE coding. With Unity, you make games. With your own engine, you make code. Maybe with Unity, I felt it wasn't "my creation" and with my own engine, I had that motivation. Maybe it was the frustration with learning Unity (which sometimes is contrary to the way I think) and with a custom engine it fits EXACTLY according to my way of thinking because I created it myself. Who knows why exactly, but I know using Unity was a cause. I didn't use any of Unity's features really. At one point I even bypassed the SpriteRenderer to do things my own way...oi vei! So it makes sense something about what I was doing with Unity or how Unity is would cause me to lose motivation with this particular game.
   
2. Had a lot of mind-crushing difficulty when implementing complex systems in unique ways. I was trying to create what is basically a new genre entirely. Undefined gameplay, complex AI, and a very large scope of game. Even simple AI can be very difficult to implement, especially for someone with little to no experience dealing with AI. While I was capable of creating this game, it was an extremely difficult and lonely workload. By lonely, I mean there was no one to pull from. No one to teach you. No one to mimic or contemplate. Innovation is significantly more difficult than cloning something that has been done before.

I've already attempted the two most complex systems of my new smaller project (AI & GUI) and both, although quite challenging, are very easy in comparison to my old project. All other features or systems are literally so easy a newbie could do them.

With the project in my signature, most major features would take me literally 6-9 hours to implement on average. Smaller ones, 6 hours. Larger ones, 9 hours. Anytime I got stuck? 9 hours. So this meant that each day, I would only finish 0.25 to 1 features. Difficulty in Development = Very little progress = Slow development = Lower Motivation.

With this new smaller project? All features/systems, including the complex ones, take about 1.5 hours to 2.5 hours.
In even a mini-session, I can implement a feature (sometimes even polish it too). In one work day, I can complete 2-3 features. Easy Development = Tons of Progress = Fast Development = High Motivation.

If you do not have problems with difficulty (have a lot of programming experience) or you do not lose motivation like I do (only some people will lose motivation this way, we are all different) then I strongly encourage chasing any scope you want. Neither project is beyond my capabilities, but the newer smaller scope project is significantly BELOW my capabilities, while the larger scope project CHALLENGED my capabilities.

If however, you lose motivation due to difficulty in development (which will increase chances of burnout as each work session feels like heavy lifting, tons of learning which taxes your brain) then I strongly suggest trying to a scope that is BELOW your capabilities. Something that is almost elementary easy for you. Either that, or something that can be done in a few weeks to a month- a micro-game or mobile app as many have suggested.

TLDR: I paused my current project to start a project of a MUCH smaller scope. Something that would be easy for me to complete. So far it is working wonders because it is easy to create.

Remember this quote: "If someone else has done it before, it was probably easy to do." People tend to do what is easy, not what is difficult. This is why we see so many clones, and so little innovation.

 

I'm doing a side-side-project like this as well. Despite having had bugger all time to put into it, it's already half done. I did stick to having one new feature (though I didn't research to see if it's been done before), and deliberately picked a game type where the challenge occurs naturally, so that tweaking the design is about optimising the fun rather than determining whether it even works.

I've said before that I avoid "small" projects for my hobby because I do so many of them for work that I've deliberately not wanted to restrict the stuff I do for fun... but it's still been a lot of fun. Also, I did this because motivation on my primary side-project was waning, and this certainly seems to have cured that. I can't wait to wrap this one up to get back to that one, and I think I've significantly improved the design of that one in the time I've not been working on it.